Weary as water, I’ve nearly made it through finances week, paying the bill for nine months of neglect. Media Lab rooftop with frosty reception and the week long wonder at why people blame.

“Forgive them Father for they know not what they do.”

How simple an idea, how deep in wisdom, how rare. We’re doing our best, so ease up everyone. Forgive immediately. What possible use is there in pointing fingers with clenched jaw? What hubris to believe your view is superior to those on the street.

“I will never give my life meaning by demeaning you.”

Comfortable in the believe that I’ve done everything I can do, at least with some, I’m still left with puzzlement and a bit of fear to continue in this climate … kudos, kontrol, and kash . . . the Kambridge way. I can do this. I’m built for it, at least on the outside. Underneath, I’m not sure it’s worth the cost.

The answer is always, “People are weak, especially when they’re strong.” And weakness is okay. It’s allowed. I was gifted with an example of this. Thirty years worth. Dad.

So that covers why, but does it help with whether to push through the unpleasantness to the goals and the dreams beyond? Of all talk of elephants and arrows, there’s still a reluctance, an understanding, an alternative. Is all this really worth it?

I guess it comes down to whether I’d like to prove something to Isabel or simply play with her.